It’s very easy to pay lip service to the people and perspectives we want to stay connected to, but don’t really believe in or feel close with. For instance, it might be that you have nothing nice to say about someone in your family, but tend to only see them in-person at social family events. Does this mean you’re being “fake?” - possibly, but not always. Being nice and diplomatic isn’t always the same thing as being false, it just means adding additional negative energy into a relationship that might otherwise be strained isn’t virtuous.
With that in mind, it can be nice to know if someone actually appreciates you or not, or if they’re just pay lip service to the idea of it. When it comes to your friends or even your partner, feeling secure in this without having to ask for validation every ten minutes can be a real benefit. The best way to look for that is by observing actions. In this post, we’ll discuss how to tell if someone really appreciates you.
Note this list isn’t exhaustive, not are these the only ways someone can show love. However, these markers can certainly help you identify a true bond. It’s also worth asking how much of this you show to other people, so that all relationships are contributed to as much as they’re enjoyed on your behalf:
They’ll Make Time To Talk
When people include you in the small things, it shows that they want to communicate with you, not because it’s a chore, but because it improves their day-to-day too. You’ve likely expressed this feeling for someone else. This is when you’ll plan the best brunch that morning, simply because it’s fun and you can talk about your week, or won’t feel obligated to text or message one another daily, but can talk on the phone for an hour when you do reconnect. When you make time to talk, and they you, you know appreciation runs both ways.
They’ll Ask You For Advice Or Perspective
When someone asks for your advice, insight or perspective on a situation, that means they care about what you have to say. Even if it’s just asking you if you like outfit A or outfit B, it’s the thought that matters, otherwise they wouldn’t bother to ask you. As they say - when someone includes you, they tend to want you as a presence in their life. Physical proximity is meaningless here, nor does this mean considering how much you have in common with someone - rather, it’s about referring to each other, including them in your thoughts, and interacting with them in matters that both do and do not matter that counts most. When this is directed at you, you can’t help but feel connected.
It Feels Easy
You’ve likely had relationships where it felt as though you were being judged on anything you said, did, or suggested. This can even come from intimate or close relationships, and it never feels nice. The truth is, when you feel you have to walk on eggshells with people, you tend to limit who you are and try to conform to what they want, especially if you’re a people pleaser. If not, you’ll find that this person is overly self-critical, and will probably get in disputes because of it. When someone genuinely appreciates you, they don’t make you jump through hoops. If they do criticize, it will be constructive and out of a place of empathy and care. Keep that in mind, because how your gut feels around someone really does signify how you’re being treated, provided this is backed up rationally.
With this advice, you’ll know when someone appreciates you, and will be able to express that love in kind.