How To Smoothly Transition From Engaged to Married Life
Getting married is a process. If you go the traditional route, there's a lot of planning for the big day as well as in the days leading up to the big day. There are celebrations, showers, and extra people involved, including clergy and wedding planners. When it's all over and you've exchanged your vows, getting back to real life quickly takes over.
It's getting back to real life that becomes an adjustment phase for newlyweds. This is the true test of your love. So that real life isn't a total shock, it's a good idea to have a few discussions ahead of the big day.
- Deciding Where You'll Live
These days it's not uncommon for the engaged couple to already cohabitate. It's also not uncommon for both people to still reside with their families, or to even have their own apartments. Waiting to live together might be considered old-fashioned, but it's also very romantic.
You probably want your first home together to feel equally shared, and if that's the case, you might need some tips on how to sell your house so you can begin the process of finding a new home that belongs to you both.
The important thing is to know what you both want and expect. Don't shy away from being honest. Starting your new life adventure together with honesty will ensure a strong bond that stands the test of time.
- Merging Your Finances
Choosing your engagement rings was the easy part of the marriage process. Not only do you now get to decide where you live, but you also get to decide how you merge your finances.
Even if you continue to keep separate bank accounts, your finances will be intertwined. You need to discuss who is in charge of which bill or which part of each bill. These can be difficult discussions to have, and it might not be a bad idea to include an intermediary who can see things without prejudice.
Sooner or later your partner is going to learn about how much you earn, how your credit history can impact your credit as a couple, and how you indulge at the spa twice a month. Be honest about your finances. Don't start your relationship by not revealing who you truly are.
- Discussing the Future
Hopefully, you both discussed your ideal future before you got engaged. If you didn't, it's not too late to get caught up.
You should both know how many children you each want to have if you want to have children at all. You should know what types of pets the other might bring into the relationship.
If you're a cat lover but your partner is allergic to cats, what will you do to get your furry friend fix? If your partner has always had a canine companion and plans to continue that tradition but you're terrified of anything that descends from wolves, you need to determine how you're going to get past that fear.
All of these situations have workable solutions. If you're in love, there are no deal breakers here, but there will need to be compromise.
As you work through how your lives merge, be prepared to make a series of compromises. Accept them and move on. Never plan to hold on to resentment that can be used as a weapon during a disagreement.
You may feel like you already know your partner inside and out, but unless you've already been living together you'll discover that getting engaged is another step in getting to know one another better. Being in love with someone doesn't necessarily mean you have to love everything about them. Sometimes that comes with time, and sometimes it comes with honesty, openness, and lots of compromises.