Why Confidence Isn’t Achieved, But Kindled

Why Confidence Isn’t Achieved, But Kindled

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Many of us have a false idea of what confidence is and how we get it. We may think that we’re either a ‘confident’ or ‘not confident’ person, but the truth is, we’re confident about some things, and unsure about others. You might be a social whizz, and struggle to get behind the wheel and drive on a busy road without true anxiety. You might be someone who is very authoritative about a certain topic, but an absolute introvert around people who finds themselves unable to assert who they are very well

Don’t fear, however, as confidence isn’t something to ‘achieve’ in a conventional sense, rather it’s something we kindle, like a fire. This means that we can focus on getting better in almost any activity and feeling confident in doing so. Think of your last job. You probably felt very nervous starting in a new place, only to feel like one of the team a month in, knowing where everything in the building was and who most of your colleagues are. Keeping that in mind, let’s consider how to kindle further:

Challenging Yourself Helps Growth

Often, our confidence is predicated on something. If every opportunity given to you is something you throw away or ignore, or if you treat people badly and they don’t respond well to it, odds are, your impression of yourself will begin to erode. But it’s also important to remember that you can kindle this fire again. Perhaps this means working on your affability, or going to see a therapist about your temper, or getting involved in a challenge that you may have considered yourself ‘unable to accomplish,’ like going out there with a friend and taking the best dance classes to help you move your body, stay fit, learn the fluidity of movement, and have a great time doing so. You’re never too late to learn a new mode of being, or a new practice you can fall in love with.

No-Comfort Zone

It’s good to have a comfort zone we can return to in order to charge and heal. Yet it’s also important to remember that if we spend too much time here, we never grow, and the ability to get out of our comfort zone and find the world around us anew will seem much more intense and off-putting than it should be. This is why you should focus on getting comfortable with no comfort, even if that means starting each day with a workout so you invite discomfort in your life and can move on from there. You’d be surprised just what a difference this can make.

You’re Better Than You Think

Give yourself some credit. You’re better than you think. Too often we can tell ourselves that no, we don’t deserve this, or that’s not right for us, or what would people think if we did that. Try to divert your thinking from this if you catch yourself ruminating in this way. Ask ‘what if I tried?’ That can help you realize that there’s more potential in your than you give yourself credit for, and that provides the spark that can become a fire if you tend to it.

With this advice, we hope you can kindle your confidence exactly as you deserve to.